I came of age in the US, in the '90s. Like every generation, this one had very specific ideas about what a woman should look like, sound like and want. I internalized all of it. My inner voice turned into an inner judge, constantly reminding me when I didn't measure up.

I rebelled against those expectations early. But rebelling against other people's rules isn't the same as figuring out the rules you actually want to play by.

I became a communications executive by writing and rewriting stories for brands and organizations. That work taught me that the story you tell about something determines how people see it. And that includes the story you tell yourself. Most of us never stop to ask who wrote the story we've been living. We absorb it — from family, friends, society, culture, our environment — and we treat it as fact. It isn't. It's a draft. And drafts can be rewritten.

I relocated to Germany over a decade ago and quickly learned a phrase that has significantly influenced the mindset and culture here: Das ist nicht möglich (That is not possible). At one point, I left my job without the next one lined up which was a significant gamble in this environment. I was a foreigner who wasn't fluent in the language and whose visa was about to expire. But I persisted and found a way through. And I've been finding ways through ever since. Because that's life, right? Someone or something is always going to tell you no. Germany just makes it a daily practice. And that practice, brutal as it is, has made me stronger.

It made me realize that I could stop asking what other people expect of me and start making choices based on what I actually want. That sounds simple. It isn't. It took years of peeling back the layers. But the more I understood myself, the more I accepted myself. The more I accepted myself, the stronger my self belief became. And the stronger my self belief, the more my decisions started aligning with who I actually am and where I actually want to go.

My talks aren't about positive thinking or pretending your way to confidence. They're about the hard, uncomfortable, beautiful work of getting to know yourself.

If that sounds like something your audience needs, I'd love to be in the room.

“Before we question ourselves, let’s start questioning the standards.”